Adele Dawn

The latest argument to hit - paying on the credit card I use to buy things for the house. Someone went thru and itemized down what their responsible to pay for and what I have to pay for. Turns out they don't think paying for yard work items or household items is their concern. 

It's exhausting to live here. Are there things I feel responsible for? Yes, paying my game subscription I feel is my responsibility. But because I want the yard to look nice, the house to look good, shouldn't be. But I guess it is, so there we go.  

*sighs deeply*

I hate my life here. But I don't know how to get myself out.

To talk of many things:
Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —
Of cabbages — and kings —
And why the sea is boiling hot —
And whether pigs have wings.’

- Lewis Carroll, The Walrus and the Carpenter

(This entry is cross-posted to tumblr as well.)

I’m a bit down right now.

Its really hard for me to make friends, acquaintances and such like. (I’m not even sure what it means anymore, really.) I find people who like things I like, and I want to share the shiny things I treasure and … I can’t. Well, I do, then I end up feeling like I shouldn’t be there. So I end up standing on the outside looking in the window.

Whatever I’ve got, whatever treasure I hold in my hands, whatever flower of inspiration I grow - it’s not enough. Pretty enough, or right enough, or it’s not lore compliant or drawn accurately enough and I just end up watching it wither and die.

I want to just hold out this thing and have someone be as happy for my enthusiasm as I am for theirs but it always comes with a, “Well, actually…” or a “I don’t like that ship” or “But have you seen this artist do this thing” or even a “You spelled that wrong”.

I’m not dumping on anyone else’s fun, everyone do their own thing, you know?

I’ve also had the feeling this last little while of being “too much” in the places I’ve been, possibly overstepping myself. I don’t want that, I don’t want to make people uncomfortable, I don’t want people to feel like I’ve been feeling - so I think it’s time for a hiatus for a bit. Just from all the things.